Texting At Dinner Is Rude!

When I was coming up in the 70's and 80's passing notes in class was the hip way of asking a girl if she thought you were cute or not. It was all quite easy: all she had to do was circle "Yes" or "No", and then you just prayed that the note at least came back to you. Now, if she couldn't be bothered to circle anything that was worse than being being told "No". Translation: If your note wasn't returned at all, it meant she thought you were an un-hot dork on unspeakable levels. Talk about a cold dismissal. LOL

Needless to say, passing notes while class was in session was considered rude, uncouth and a surefire way to get in a hot mess with the teacher. Aside from the note coming back with "No" circled, nothing would be possibly worse than getting caught by the instructor and enduring his glaring stink-eye. Why? Well, such behavior silently told the teacher that whatever he had to say wasn't nearly as important as what you had to say in that oh-so-nifty-folded piece of paper.

Today, we've become greatly advanced in terms of technology and communication. I'm not sure if kids even pass notes in class these days (and yes, I feel really old saying this), but I'm pretty sure that cell phones and iPADs are the new culprits school teachers are waging war with. Text messaging during class is no doubt just as rude as passing notes was back in my day. And by extension, such habits are equally innappropriate in other areas of life...take the dinner table for instance.

Let's be frank here: everyone agrees that texting while eating dinner is rude but when it’s you, it's amazing how easy it is to rationalize it, right? So, to avoid coming across like a total hypocrite, I will raise my right hand and readily admit that I’ve suffered from RTWD Syndrome (Rapid Thumb-Tapping While Dining). Testify! I love my job and in my line of work, I literally get dozens of text messages from clients, contactors, and vendors nearly every hour of the day--and that's not even counting the tons of daily notifications from Twitter and other online outlets. In other words, my cell phone is always beeping and it's a challenge for me not to answer it at dinner. But  I know it's poor taste to text in front of others, and it behooves me to excuse myself to the nearest restroom or foyer to handle my business. Yep, just like passing notes in class, texting at dinner essentially tells your fellow guests that whatever they have to say is not ranking as high with you as it is with them.

RTWD Syndrome has proven to be a real dampener for couples too. Studies show that men are the worst and on average cannot sit through dinner for 30 minutes without  text messaging. How sad is that? And naturally, wives and girlfriends complain that this behavior brings an element of "competition with work" into their homes even though their men have physically left the office for the day. Some wives have stated that seeing their husbands thumbing the tech makes them feel insecure and unimportant. One woman said: "Who can he possibly be texting that's more important than the pearls of wisdom dripping from my lips?" What indeed!

Ironically, the same studies reveal a reversed trend among teeny-boppers: young girls are the worst chronic offenders  in that age group. And now we have the iPhone and iPad...more toys for addicted youngsters (and not too few adults) to play with at the dinner table. Yay. All of this makes me really wonder what sort of table-manners these new generations will be bred on. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but when I was a kid, dinner time was for our family to come together and talk about school, work and the day's events. Now, husbands, wives and children sit around the dinner table and ignore eachother because they're too busy cyber-speaking with people who don't even live in the house. Could we be witnessing the future deconstruction of all that is proper etiquette?

I can think of only two circumstances where texting at dinner could be acceptable: If you're a fireman, policeman, doctor (or some other live-saving superhero) and get called to an emergency somewhere, then yeah, that's an urgent text message that needs addressing. But even then, it's polite to excuse yourself from the table first to handle it.

The other reason? If you're eating dinner alone. Of course then it's perfectly appropriate to text message since you have no one else to talk to. Interestingly enough...those who rudely text while eating with others eventually find themselves alone anyway.

The Top 8 "Worst Decorating Complexes" Ever!

In my humble opinion, Interior Designers are a lot like doctors: people come to them with ailing homes that need to be operated on. Some people get designers involved early, such as during the construction of a new home. But sadly, there are a lot of people out there who would rather wait until their home is in cardiac arrest before calling up a designer. Why?

I guess part of it could be attributed to these home makeover TV shows that train people to believe that they can "do it" themselves. It's true, the DIY-style suits some people just fine. But many folks make pretty expensive mistakes as they try their hand at decorating and design. And in the end, what should be an enjoyable experience becomes a source of frustration. So what are the tell-tale "symptoms" that a person should accept a house call from The Design Doctor?

Well, here's my list of the top 8 "decorating complexes" that people struggle with--and the cures for each challenge:

1.) The Play-Doh Complex: You have good ideas but you are indecisive, unsure of yourself and become like putty in the hands of a hungry, diabolical salesperson. Folks like this end up with rooms full of hodge-podged messes.
Antidote: Like doctors making house calls, Interior Designers work with you IN YOUR HOME, not from a department store's sales floor. In other words, they care about your outcome and will work with you dilligently to give you confidence as you make purchases.

2.) The "Ostrich" Complex: You are overwhelmed by the sheer enormority of the process. You admit the house needs a facelift but you have no idea where to get started! Colors, patterns, scale...just thinking about these things gives you vertigo!  So you'd rather just bury your head in the sand and procrastinate.
Antidote: A design professional will carefully dig you up, and help you face the music! They have been skillfully trained to tackle all of those overwhelming challenges and can take a lot of stress off your shoulders in the process.

3.) The "Zig-Saw" Complex: Your room is utterly weird. Windows are awkwardly placed or sized, the room has a strange shape or possesses too many focal points, etc. Folks who try to decorate spaces like this without professional help may end up making matters worse for themselves--and spend a lot of money before they realize the outcome is actually getting worse.
Antidote: Once again, due to years of education and experience, designers are prepared to address these problems and create handsome-looking solutions. They thrive on these challenges, actually. In addition, they are aware of cost-effective ways that can even make previous mistakes look like they were planned!

4.) The "Bottom Line" Complex: Okay, so maybe a lot of us suffer from this complex. LOL :)
But you know the house needs to be updated--perhaps in stages and over a period of months or even years--but you are naturally concerned about how much it will cost. "Budget" is your middle name...and maybe your last name too.
Antidote: An interior designer can prioritize things that need to be done, create a cost-study for you and generate a time-line. They are also well-versed in what the market has to offer in terms of cost savings--but without compromising style or beauty.

5.) The "Pack-Rat" Complex: Ok, let's keep it real: you have a lot of stuff. Pretty stuff, no doubt. But it is stuff. And you're tied to it for nostalgic reasons. Sure, you want to update the room, but you don't want to throw away hand-me-downs and other family heirlooms because they are special (even though you and I both know full well that that Queen Anne curio is fighting against your Saarinen Womb Chair!).
Antidote: A good interior designer knows the power of editing. He or she can help you find the proper places for all of the more important things...and make them look good.

6.) The "Uber-Purist" Complex: You have an appreciation for the varying design styles out there: Modern, Traditional, Old World, French Country, etc., etc. The problem is, you want your space to be period-loyal but don't know how to go about getting everything to look legitimate and not "forced".
Antidote: Again, this is where experience and training comes into play. Let an interior designer help you out here.

7.) The "Doubting Thomas" Complex: You are leery of making any changes because you're afraid that they will...well...turn out looking ugly. And then your friends will laugh at you. Like...on cruel "Bwahahaha" levels.
Antidote: An interior designer has many specialties, not the least of which is the art of creating great looking spaces. Besides, no interior designer will allow his/her work to even be equated with the word "ugly"! Nothing can be possibly worse for a designer than a poor referral--it can be the kiss of death in business--so you can best believe that he or she is going to take pride in their work. They will be dedicated to making you look good as a client.

8.) The "Hamster-In-A-Wheel" Complex: You. Are. Too. Busy. You know that the room needs a makeover, but you are entirely too swamped with life/work/kids or lack the energy and interest to do it right now.
Antidote: Many Interior Designers have the abiltiy to serve as project managers. They are well-equipped to negotiate and coordinate the efforts of vendors and contractors. This means you can delegate as much or as little to them to manage in your behalf and they will keep you updated on the progress.

Okay so, time for a little honesty. Do you suffer from any of these maladies? If so, why not hire a professional that you can delegate this "problem child" to raise? I say use your energy and time for things that you really enjoy. Or if you do happen to love the art of decorating, imagine how much more enjoyable it would be to have a design coach helping you to avoid making costly mistakes!

So if your house is on life-support, an interior designer may be just the "cure" needed to resuscitate it back to life. Why not call one up for an interview today?

Debut Entry: "A Matter of Taste"

When it comes to personal style I am always intrigued by how people define the term "good taste". In my travels I'll often ask clients, friends and strangers alike for their opinion and it always makes for interesting conversations and lighthearted debates. I've found that a lot of people fall into one of two categories:

Some believe that as long as they like something then that's all that truly matters and that in itself quantifies "good taste." Translation: forget the rest of humanity. It kinda reminds me of those guys who play Hip Hop music really loud in their cars. You know...the ones you can feel coming before you see them? As far as they're concerned that's an expression of style and it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. So these individuals will admit that their personal vision probably doesn't exactly fit in with the mainstream, but they embrace that individuality--and celebrate it whether it's good, bad or ugly.

And then you have people who think they can go out to their local department store and just buy "good taste." Usually these ones are very busy and just don't have time to agonize over the details. But they want to look good now and will pay to make it happen like yesterday. I guess these people assume that if they throw enough money at something (ergo, the more expensive the item is) the greater the chances will be that their purchase will be in good taste. But are either of these outlooks the best way to define it?

Well, let's illustrate this, shall we? Check out this pair of shoes:

Now aren't these the most precious set of kicks you've ever seen? They are custom-made and are extremely expensive. But would you say they are in good taste? Personally, I think they are disgustingly tragic. I mean seriously...these shoes put the "ug" in UGLY. Yet, they are advertised as being "hip" and "of the now". And believe me, someone out there who is in want of "good taste" will be suckered into paying big $$$ for them. Yep, they will buy these, and then show up at that elite dinner party (shedding black hairs all over the floor) believing they are the poster-child for chic...and oblivious to the fact that onlookers are silently laughing at them.

Yes, the truth is, when it comes to "taste" a lot of people just don't have a good idea of what they really like. Some will readily admit that they don't have an "eye" for fashion or decorating. Yet they obviously need clothes to wear, or furniture in their homes. So what do they end up doing? They go after the brand names and other easy-bake  TV schemes to define what their personal taste is for them. They get talked into it by salesmen who really don't care what the outcome will be (beyond their sales commissions of course) and soon these poor people have closets full of clothing they've only worn once, or homes crammed with things that don't jive together well. Worst of all, by the time they realize they've been suckered, a lot of their hard-earned money has been burned, the reality of which is more sad than those hairy cat-butt shoes I just showed you.

So the bottom line is, good taste is a delicate issue...and a personal one. It is a reflection of who you are and how you live. But it is also something you can change and reinvent as often as you please. With proper guidance, even a person with so-called "terrible taste" can make beautiful choices in life. The key involves what I like to call the 3-E Factor: Education, exposure and enlightenment.

I decided to name this blog Raison d'être because its meaning (a French phrase for "reason for existence") is very apropos in today's impatient world of "Get It Now". Our time on earth is so limited and this behooves us as human beings to make good choices with the time and resources we have. Doing so ensures we enjoy life to a fuller degree and our existence is enriched. So from time to time I believe it is important to review what really is in good style to make sure we are benefiting from it. Since so much of what brings us enjoyment involves our five senses, this blog will focus on decorating trends, fashion, style, etiquette, and other matters of taste. We'll have fun with this, while not taking ourselves too seriously. We'll look at how decorating trends of the past continue to have a bearing on the present, and examine everything from proper dining manners to the latest in couture fashion (furry shoe wear notwithstanding, of course).

So welcome to Raison d'être. I'm glad you're here.

Corey Damen Jenkins